It’s been a year since I first hurt my ankle. I’m torn between the part of me that wants to wallow in fate or misfortune and the other that’s ready to celebrate.

This has been a year of challenge. A year of learning. A year of pushing my limits and redefining the way I see myself.

Of course I miss running like crazy and I want to be the badass I once was, but I am way more resilient and grateful than that woman was. She didn’t know how hard it was to feed yourself on crutches. She never woke up crying in the middle of the night because her ankle was on fire. She didn’t know what it was like to persevere through a full year of pain and frustration and set backs.

What I learned from my year-long injury

1. You can sob all you want, but you can’t change reality.

I fell apart as my friend helped me off the court. I couldn’t accept that I was poised to set a PR and instead I was going to be rehabbing a severely injured ankle. Crying and disbelief won’t change anything.

First time back in years. Blew out my ankle. #basketball

A photo posted by Mandy Ferreira (@treading_lightly) on Oct 28, 2015 at 1:07pm PDT

2. Ice cream won’t kill you.

I’ve done my best over the past year to severely limit my sugar intake. It’s a known inflammatory food and I need all the help I can get healing. While I stand by my decision, I also don’t regret the times I had ice cream or another sweet treat.

3. You aren’t what you do.

Runner. Yogi. Lifter. Athlete. These are all just parts of me. They don’t define me. And even when I’m not able to do them, that doesn’t mean they aren’t still a part of my identity and a part of what makes me me.

4. Do what you love.

I love to run and push myself and move my body, but even before I discovered my love for sports I fell for books. This year has given me the opportunity to spend more time than ever before reading. Reading has fulfilled me in ways that running or lifting arguably could not.

5. But how is it today?

It’s so easy to get caught up in how I think things should go or should be. But life doesn’t work like that. I had to learn to take my recovery a day at a time and realize that each day was going to be wildly different. Turns out it fits for even more than just an injury. Things look and feel different every day. Some days cooking feels like the worst way to spend my time and others it leaves me feeling warm and content. How is it today?

6. Slow down.

There’s nothing like crutches or a bulky boot to slow you down. But more than physically, I had to try to slow down mentally. As much as I tried, you just can’t look ahead two months and try to project where you will be. Recovery is slow and your body does its own thing. This year forced me to drop my obsessive planning and projecting, or at least try to.

On the move! #sixmonths up on the blog #physicaltherapy #running

A video posted by Mandy Ferreira (@treading_lightly) on May 5, 2016 at 4:48pm PDT

7. Keep moving.

An injury (most of the time) isn’t a sentence to the couch. I did my best to move both before and after surgery. I don’t always feel like exercising these days and it’s really difficult for me to make it to the gym since I still can’t drive, but I’m trying my best. A very nice woman around my age who was doing a seriously badass workout came up to me and told me that seeing me workout in a boot was really inspiring to her. She made me realize that it should be inspiring to me too. It forced me to look at what I was doing and the effort I’ve been putting in and appreciate my effort more.

8. Put your feet up.

Don’t forget to relax. Healing takes time and a ton of your body’s energy. Respect that! A week after my surgery I thought I could go to the farmer’s market. I was so wrong. I ended up sitting on a cold concrete bench willing myself to apparate home. Even almost two months later, I still feel like I have to sleep all day after a workout. Indulge in healing. Treat yourself to some elevation and a nice soothing soak.

9. Listen to yourself.

That pain is your body trying to tell you something. The voice in your head that says “this is a bad idea” is probably right (unless it’s just fear talking, then tell it to STFU). I’ve gotten a lot better this year at checking in with how I feel and adjusting accordingly. In the past I’ve been the queen of pushing through pain, which usually ends in a lingering injury. Since I already have one of those, I’m trying to be extra in-tune with what my body needs and what I really want. It’s changed the way I work, spend my time, and exercise.

10. Pain is temporary*.

It’s so hard to remember that it won’t last forever when you’re in the thick of it. The pain spreads like wildfire, lashing at everything in its path. But it will burn out. In a few days or a few weeks, you won’t remember just how bad it was. It will slowly drain away until there’s nothing left.

*I am blessed that this is actually true for me. I don’t know how people handle debilitating pain on a daily basis. Those people deserve our admiration, love, and help.

11. Trust.

This year I learned to trust. To let myself be taken care of. I’ve never had surgery, and while I was ready for this to be all over, I wasn’t thrilled with the idea. I put complete trust in my surgeon and the entire team. I felt safe going under, and while I recovered I forced myself to let go and lean on my friends and family. I also have to trust that I’m going to recover and be back to 100 percent in the future.

Where I am now

Lately I’ve been having weird flashbacks to the first month of my injury. Post surgery it seemed like I was in worse shape than when I first hurt it, but now that I’m really making progress it reminds me of last October. Only this time I actually know what’s going on and what my body responds to best.

After weeks of crutches and cast/boot life, I’m so happy with my progress.

Goodbye Crutches

FINALLY! I was originally told I would be on crutches for three weeks post-surgery. What they really meant was I could not put any weight on my foot for three weeks. After that I would slowly! transition to weight-bearing until I could walk without my crutches. It took me two weeks or so to get down to one crutch and be able to walk the seven steps from the sink to the dining room table without feeling like I was ripping my ankle in half.

Last night I walked two (short) blocks in just the boot and felt pretty good! The way back to the car was less fun and rest of the night was a bit uncomfortable and swollen, but it felt so good to move around in the world without the crutches.

Bye Bye Boot-y (er… sort of)

A couple weeks ago I got the okay from my doctor to start putting weight on my foot without the boot. I started with putting a teeny tiny bit of weight on my foot while brushing my teeth or showering. Progress has been slow, but earlier this week I made it up and down the stairs in Tiny House in just my socks. I’m still stupid proud of myself.

Physical Therapy (Round 2)

I’m back to doing nightly Thera-Band exercises in addition to everything else I’ve been doing. It’s only been a week, and my progress is astounding. Physical therapy gives me the warm and fuzzies. And hope for the future. And really weird marks.

For the first time in years I’m having trouble motivating myself to exercise. I’m not training for anything – all of my energy is focused on recovering and healing. While exercise is definitely an important part of that, my limited abilities are a total downer.

If you don’t mind me borrowing from Beyonce, “I’m not feeling like myself since the baby” ankle injury. My drive is muddled in feeling frustrated and trying to moving forward. My focus is on improving my ankle motion, depriving myself of sugar in the name of healing (AKA eating the best nutrients I can every day), managing inflammation, improving circulation, and trying to figure out how much pain is alright.

I don’t have a ton of mental energy to get creative with my workout. Especially since I can’t actually drive myself to the gym and crutching there may kill me. I have no experience working out at home, and so far I have to be honest, I hate it. Going to the gym is a reset. Even if I don’t feel like exercising, once I’m in the gym that feeling disappears 95 percent of the time.

How to Exercise With an Ankle or Foot Injury

Despite my whining, it’s fully possible to get a great workout without weight-bearing on an injured foot/ankle. Bonus, you’ll heal faster if you do.

1. Change Your Priorities

The last time I was off my ankle, my arms and core were solid. I returned to CrossFit being able to do things that were impossible for me before. Sure, you’ll have to build up your leg strength and balance again, but that doesn’t mean you can’t fine-tune something else. All is not lost.

Target your weaknesses and focus on setting yourself up for a quick, safe return. I’m focusing on hip strength and stability (yes, even without weight-bearing), core strength, and getting rid of imbalances between my arms.

2. Embrace a New Focus

I fight change like a boxer. I refuse to let it go, even when it’s clearly going to win anyways. Before I hurt my ankle I was working on running further faster and improving my leg strength. Weeks before surgery, I hit my previous squat PR.

After surgery I’ve had to let go of all of that. You can’t mourn the strength you are losing or the effort that was “wasted.”

Put all of that energy into something new. I’m all in on my recovery.

3. Track Your Progress

I write down what I’ve done each day to recover and heal, including how I felt and the quality of my sleep. Your workout journal is a great place for this. My phone is full of (nasty) pictures of my incisions so I can scroll through and remind myself how much as changed and how far I’ve come. (Pro tip: These are also great for freaking out your family and friends. You’re welcome.)

Same goes for my workouts. I write down what I did that day, if anything caused pain, and if anything was too easy/hard.

4. Drop the Comparison

You wouldn’t say any of the shit running through your head to someone else with a similar injury. Stop comparing yourself to what you used to be able to do. Yes, it’s disorienting and frustrating. Quit being an ass to yourself (talking to myself here).

An injury is a clean start. Stop looking back at what you used to do and explore what you can do now. I’ve stopped flipping through my workout log to decide on weights. Instead of failing at them and feeling less than, I’m listening to my body and getting a solid workout.

5. Plan

This is the most important. Go into your workout, whether at home or in the gym, with a general idea of what you are going to do. Leave room for making adjustments based on how you feel (and the availability of equipment). This will stop you from wasting time once you get going and will make exercising so much easier.

Exercises to Do When You Have an Ankle or Foot Injury

This is not an exhaustive list, but it’s what I’ve been working with so far. This list is for people who cannot weight-bear at all. These exercises are perfect if you are in a boot/cast or are on crutches.

1. Russian Twists: use a plate, medicine ball, or dumbbell to make these more difficult
2. Bird Dogs: put a balance pad beneath your knees for added difficulty
3. Fire Hydrants on hands and knees
4. Hamstring Curls with resistance band or machine. I’ve been doing it like this.
5. Side Plank 
6. Plank with injured leg raised out to the side or draped over other foot
7. 1 Leg Pushup: Hello, core. Or pushups on both knees, increase reps or add weight to your back for a challenge
8. Pull Ups: Play with grip, embrace the weight of your cast/boot/brace
9. Dips
10. Ab Roll Outs: AKA accidental faceplants if you are me.
11. V-Ups & Boat Pose
12. Supermans
13. Kneeling/seated lat pull down with resistance band or cable machine
14. Kneeling tricep rows on bench or floor
15. Side Leg Raises
16. Leg Raises
17. L-sits & L-hangs
18. Seated bicep curls or really any seated arm exercise

Cardio:

Ride a stationary bike. No, you probably can’t go to SoulCycle, although by all means ask your doctor. My doctor got me on the bike in my cast for five minutes at no resistance. I’ve slowly built up to 10-15 minutes in my boot, still with no resistance. 100 percent ask before trying this if you are not supposed to be weight-bearing.

Swim. Be sure to have proper support for your injury (tape or brace), no kicking, and don’t push off of the wall with your injured foot/ankle.

Arm cycle. No one wants to do it, but it will definitely get your heart rate up.

Row. Put your injured leg on a skate board and go for it. Personally I feel off-balance when I try this, but see how it feels to you.

What have you tried? Are there any other good non-weight bearing exercises?

While it’s been 11 months since I first injured my ankle, I’m only three weeks into my peroneal tendon surgery recovery.

After a solid two weeks of rest, I finally felt ready to do my first workout. It felt so so good to move around and get a little sweaty, although I was less excited to be sweating in my cast. I’m still trying to figure out creative things that I can do while sitting or lying down. I’m planning on including a list one of these days so you don’t have to scour the entire internet like I did. For some really hardcore ideas, you can check out Lauren Fisher’s Instagram.

I got the cast hacked off me and breathed a huge sigh of relief when I finally got to wash my leg and trim my toe nails. (Casts are a worst nightmare for a germaphobe like me.) But I haven’t exercised since I got the cast off on Monday. It took me a solid 24 hours to adjust to life in my boot. The first night was terrible, but we’re starting to understand each other better.

I may attempt to flop around on the floor a bit today in the name of stretching and exercise, but since I started partial weight-bearing today and my ankle wasn’t a huge fan, I’m waiting to see how things progress into the afternoon.

Peroneal Tendon Surgery Recovery Lifesavers

1. Friends and family.
I have been blessed to have so much help. You don’t really realize how limiting crutches are until you are trying to get yourself grapes out of the fridge and you have to sit on the floor and eat them right there because you can’t crutch and carry them.

My lovely boyfriend has taken the brunt of it. He makes me a solid three meals a day, does the dishes, retrieves snacks, and doesn’t say anything when I ask for the chocolate… again.

2. Extra pillows.
Fun fact, my whole foot turns purple when I don’t elevate. While it is an interesting hue, I find it best not to experience it.

3. Knee-height stool
I scoot myself around the kitchen with a stool. It means I can ditch the crutches, actually have clean hands, and carry things. Amazing!

4. A great book… or four
Reading has kept me sane. It’s one of my few hobbies that I can still do while recovering.

5. Tasty Tea
And the disgusting turmeric tea I drink to appease the gods of inflammation. But man do I look forward to my warm cup of green tea in the morning. Bonus points if you drink tea every time you ice too (unless it’s a thousand degrees outside like yesterday, and then by all means put some of that ice in your cup).

6. No-poo trend
While I already had the precedent of stretching the time between washes, I feel no shame rocking full on greasy hair these days. Thanks, internet!

7. What laundry?
Not really a lifesaver, but this bonus should not go unnoticed. It turns out not going to the gym and spending most days at home means you produce 1/4 of the laundry you once did. Score! Especially since the aforementioned lovely man has to do it all by himself.

8. Creativity
While I was rarely left to fend for myself the first week and a half, the time came for me to be more self-sufficient. My biggest barrier (other than pain anytime my foot was below my hip for more than two minutes) was my inability to carry things.

Nope, not going trekking, just trying to make it down the stairs with my laptop, water bottle, and elevation device (A.K.A. a pillow). #epicadventure #hiking #injury #solotravel #socool

A photo posted by Mandy Ferreira (@treading_lightly) on Sep 20, 2016 at 1:28pm PDT

I fixed that problem. A little creative problem solving goes a long when fending for yourself in less than optimal conditions.

Progress/Plan

I’m in the boot for six weeks, but my doctor has encouraged me to start testing my range of motion. Full discloser, that has been awful! My total range of motion is less than three degrees at most and it lets me know what it thinks of this plan loudly. Needless to say, I’m not rushing into that.

Ideally in the next week I will ween myself off the crutches (and become a more fully functional human being in the process). While my hands are ready to burn the crutches for what they’ve done to them, my ankle has made it clear that a very slow transition will be necessary.

I start PT (yay, again!) in three weeks. I have legitimate fear about it right now. But three weeks is a lot of time to heal (and toughen up).

In case you missed it:

I thought I could still play basketball
One Month Later
Two
Three
Four
Five
Six
Eight
Nine
10 months and surgery

I love to feel the burn as much as the next person, but sore muscles can quickly go from a nice pat on the back for a job well done to crippling. Instead of popping a pill, naturally ease sore muscles with these tips.

How to Naturally Ease Sore Muscles

1. Hydrate! Not just when you are done with your workout, but all day every day. How much water do you really need? You can try this calculator for figuring out how much you should drink during your workout.

2. Mobility and foam rolling. I know, the last thing you want to do at the end of a hard workout is roll around on the floor like a spastic seal, but it’s important to get the blood moving into all of the tissue you just used. Foam rolling (and other forms of self-massage) help break up tissue adhesions and speed recovery. Try for 10 minutes a day (wether you worked out or not!) of foam rolling and targeted muscle release. For tips, check out how to properly roll out your legs and your back/chest.

3. Contrast bath. Shock your system and scare the soreness right out of your muscles with a contrast bath. Not really, but a contrast bath will increase circulation and nourish your tired and torn up muscles. You can do full body plunges or stand in the shower, but I like to use two buckets and just do my knees down. Try for at least four cycles of 3 minutes in hot water and 1 minute in cold water. Always start and end on hot.

4. Sleep. My personal favorite. When you sleep your body repairs the tissue you have torn and broken down by exercising. The more sleep you get, the better you recover. Many professional athletes sleep up to 12 hours a day.

5. Arnica gel. This is your best friend for really sore muscles. Arnica helps reduce inflammation and pain. Personally, I like this gel.

6. Magnesium. I used to get horrible muscle spasms. My legs would wake me up in the night with twitches that seemed to last forever. I would jerk myself awake with a massive twitch that would send my arm or leg flying. I started drinking magnesium a couple of years ago to sleep better.

Turns out I was also giving myself a massive recovery boost. Calcium aids in muscle contraction while magnesium helps the muscle relax. An imbalance between calcium and magnesium leaves you with stiff, tight muscles.

I drink Natural Calm every night before bed, but you can also rub it straight on your sore muscles. I like the powder better than a pill because I can control the dose and make sure I get enough on the days I have a hard workout.

7. Gentle movement. An easy walk or short yoga session can go a long way toward loosening up muscles and relieving soreness. This isn’t a sprint or an hour long swim. Get your blood flowing with a bit of slow, gentle movement.

8. Legs up the wall. I love coming home from a hard run or a heavy squat session and putting my legs up the wall. Ahhh, feels so good! I like to imagine the soreness draining out of my legs while I lie back and relax. But in reality, it’s a nice boost for your circulation.

9. Compression. Jury is still out on compression for improved performance, but it does help you recover. Try socks or other compression clothing to get the blood flowing. I swear by the Voodoo band for serious compression and relief – it also really helps remove tissue adhesions and get everything gliding properly again.

10. Naturally anti-inflammatory foods. Ginger, turmeric, and fish all of have anti-inflammatory properties. Whole foods also help muscles get the amino acids, minerals, and vitamins that they need to repair and get stronger.

11. Cupping. A little intense for your run of the mill muscle soreness, but totally worth keeping in your back pocket for the days where breathing feels strenuous. You can read all about my experience with cupping here. (Spoiler, I like it.)

When I hobbled out of urgent care 13 weeks ago I told myself I still had plenty of time to heal up before my half marathon. I was still dreaming of a fast race and the chance to PR in February.

I finally accepted that I wasn’t going to make it to that race. Now I’m staring down the fact that I won’t even be running at all by then.

At three months, this is officially my worst injury. Sure I’ve had lingering tendonitis, but this takes the cake for my longest, slowest recovery yet. And there really isn’t anything I can do about it.

I’ve accepted that I have a severe ankle injury, and I need to treat it as such. I’ve stopped crying over the fact that I was coming off a huge PR and I was in the best shape I had been in in years. By now that fitness is loooong gone. I’ve also stopped thinking about how I’m going to get back there as soon as I can.

The past and the future are dangerous places. I end up feeling frustrated and hopeless when I dwell on them.

Lately I’ve been trying my best to focus on the present. Not even what I can do today, but what I can do right now. My ankle range of motion comes and goes. The pain hits and fades. I can do squats fine and then suddenly I can’t do them at all.

And it’s all okay. It’s all progress. It’s all something.

I can’t control my recovery. I can’t predict when I will be able to run. I can’t force my body to heal any faster (which isn’t to say I’m not trying everything I can).

I’m still an athlete. I’m still getting stronger. I’m certainly learning a lot. And soon, I will be able to build the base that will let me run and lift until my legs turn to jelly. But right now, I’m still digging the foundation. I’m getting my tendons strong and getting rid of all of the scar tissue in my way.

I’d like to think I’m handling this injury better than my last.

Which is funny given my propensity to lose my mind the minute anyone suggests I can’t run, jump, or do anything fun.

It’s almost easier that this injury has been visually pronounced (my bruise turned a nice shade of green just in time for Halloween. It didn’t hurt that I walked like Frankenstein’s monster) and the pain is violent and consuming.

There’s no ignoring this one.

The good: I didn’t break any bones. The bad: I’m out for 4-6 weeks. The ugly: … well my ankle.

After x-rays and WAY too many doctors painfully poking and prodding my already grotesque, swollen lump of an ankle (MUST you push so hard? I mean really!), I had “sprained ankle” stamped across my chart and I was sent on my merry way.

I finally started PT, which means I now spend 30 minutes or so a day doing weird exercises that seem like a test of patience more than a way of getting back to the things I love. Like going down stairs without pain.

This time there’s no groveling. There’s no trying to run or pushing through nagging pain. I’ve never been so in touch with my painful reality. I’m out for the count.

It doesn’t matter that I was in great shape. It doesn’t matter I had just pulled off a massive 7-minute PR on a difficult course. It doesn’t matter that I have a half in February. It doesn’t matter that I love to run in the rain and it happens to be raining.

On Wed. 10/28 at exactly 12:30ish p.m. I massively sprained my ankle.

Those are the facts. That’s my reality.

I’m out for now, but you damn well better believe I am going to do all of the weird exercises and I am going to fight back and return to running stronger and hungrier than ever before.

Now, can you please pass the ice cream?

Over the past two years I’ve been trying casually to gain muscle… 15 or more pounds of muscle. I have been steadily making progress since I started to lift more, and the scale has been slowly creeping up.

I gained muscle very slowly. So slowly that I didn’t think I looked any different. Until I started trying to wear my summer clothes and some other pieces (hello adorable, fancy dress) that I hadn’t worn in two years.

Suddenly I am busting out of everything like the Hulk. Or I can’t even get the piece on. (To be fair, many of my clothes are from college or right after graduation. In other words, I bought them 10-15lbs ago.) I’ve never had such a sudden change in my body (Ha! Changes over more than a year might not be considered “sudden”).

Chasing 200 #legday #oly #squats #crossfitgirls

A video posted by Mandy Ferreira (@treading_lightly) on Jun 13, 2015 at 12:18pm PDT

As much as it pains me to no longer fit into some of my favorite clothes (and I cringe at the idea of having to shop for their replacements), it’s incredibly gratifying to see and feel that all of my had work paid off.

I’ll be the first to admit that running isn’t fun 100 percent of the time and training for a goal that’s still months away can be demotivating. But training can be fun for all 14 weeks (or however long your training cycle is).

Here’s how I keep training interesting and exciting:

Playfulness. I am lucky that my coworkers get together once a week (during work time no less) to play ultimate frisbee. It’s a great way for us to bond as a team (hello startup life) and relieve some stress. Bonus points for me, I use it as my speedwork. Between my easy warm-up run to the park and sprinting up and down the field, I more than satisfy my running workout for the day.

Thankful that I can finally pick up the pace. #runchat #flying #fastfeet #running

A photo posted by Mandy Ferreira (@treading_lightly) on May 22, 2015 at 11:38am PDT

Short term goals. Although 14 weeks isn’t a terribly long way away, I like to set smaller goals to keep me motivated. I do everything from picking runs that I am going to not walk at all to holding my race pace for a few miles. I also like to pick goals outside of what I’m running for. CrossFit is great for this. I am able to choose lifting or other performance goals that don’t get the in way of my running but do help me feel like I’m making progress and getting stronger overall so I’m race day ready.

Mind games. Very similar to the one above, I also play mind games with myself while running. I will try to track my cadence (counting how many times my right or left foot hits the ground in 30 seconds, multiply by 2), see just how much of a song I really know, or my new favorite game via my coworker, try to guess the name of random people on the street.

Company. For the most part, I’m a solo runner. I like to run my own pace, not get caught up in what someone else is doing (or wishes we were doing), and really settle into my head and body. But running with a friend or family member every once in a while can be just the change I need. This year I’m running the Seawheeze with my mom (her first half marathon). Lately it’s been a great way to catch up and get some quality time in.

Check it off. Confession, I love crossing things off to do lists. Writing down lunch just to cross it off? Most definitely. The app I’m using for training has workouts by day that you can check off. I love clicking the box after I’ve finished the day’s workout. So. Addicting.