5 months later and I’m starting to feel like myself again.

This past month was full of huge progress:

I went for my first “run”… at 75 percent of my bodyweight. Too bad I can’t take the AlterG with me outside.

The barbell and I are friends again. I’m squatting, deadlifting, even hang power cleaning. I missed you, my harshest friend. (On a side note, turns out not lifting for four months makes you super weak.)

After receiving permission from my physical therapist, I have been taking “jogging steps” on my walks. This means I run nearly as slow as I walk for 20 steps or so while smiling like a lunatic. Can’t stop me now!

I (finally!) go hours without thinking about my ankle. I get out of bed without fearing pain. I don’t dream about my ankle or wake up in the middle night with pain. I can sit cross-legged.

Swimming feels like it used to. I can do every stroke, kick with a kick board, and even sprint a bit. I still tape before I get in, but being able to do old workouts is huge.

Upward dog (sort of) and downward dog are back. I still have some trouble with a few poses, but armed with a blanket, I can modify most things these days. Overall, yoga feels like it used to and my ankle mobility/stability is making huge strides. Probably thanks to the brutal Warrior III.

Yesterday I hit 10,000 steps and didn’t want to cry. My ankle didn’t swell. I didn’t go to bed cursing myself.

I’m so close to running. So close. And yet realistically, probably another month until I’m running more than a quarter mile at a time. And that’s okay. I’ll be running just in time for my favorite weather. My running shorts and tank tops are ready.

It’s time to embrace tracker-free days. Take off your activity tracker, GPS watch, sleep monitor, the baby stalker, and every other device and get your body back. (Breathe, it’s going to be okay.)

We are obsessed with data. We can now track how many times we rolled over in the night, how many steps we took, the number of times our heart beat on our five mile run, how many times we changed the baby’s diaper (and what we found inside it).

I’m all on board – for the most part. I love being able to dig into my run and see where I faltered or where I did better than yesterday. My watch tells me how long I should recover before my next workout. It reminds me to move throughout the day, not just during my workout.

But it starts to be too much.

Instead of being something that motivates me to push myself a little harder or move a little more, it becomes all-consuming.

It’s so easy to get lost in the data and forget what really matters. I used to get up from my desk and walk around for a bit because my body felt like it needed to move, not because a device buzzed and told me to. I didn’t have to check my app to know if I got a good night’s rest, I could tell from how I felt when my alarm went off and if I made it through the afternoon with wishing I could take a nap.

Tracker-free days break the obsession – and the blindness. When I leave my watch at home I am reminded to listen to myself. I know my body best. The less I listen to it, the harder it gets to hear. The more I rely on my watch, the less I really know.

At least once a week I take a tracker-free day to break the cycle and tune back in to what my body’s saying.

If you’ve ever said:

“I can’t believe I am wasting all of these steps! Maybe I should go home and get my tracker.”

“Hold on, I just need four more laps around the kitchen until I get to 10,000 steps.”

“I stopped running because I couldn’t figure out my pace. My watch kept losing its signal!”

You might just want to try it too.

February was a month of heavy hitters and potential life changers.

Still Alice
Mental illness is terrifying, especially when it is erasing your memories and your core understanding of who you are. Still Alice gives a heartbreaking inside view of what it’s like to live with Alzheimer’s. Rumor has it it’s also a movie or something.

Undecided: How to Ditch the Endless Quest for Perfect and Find the Career–and Life–That’s Right for You
My college advisor and professor wrote this book while I was her student at Santa Clara. I started reading it when it came out my junior year, but I just couldn’t get behind it. I was so sure of myself then and of what I wanted to be doing that I couldn’t connect with the characters who seemed to be so lost and so desperate for someone else to help them define their success.

I didn’t have a sudden realization of what I want to do while reading it. Instead, I got the feeling that no one knows what they want to do, ever. You just do what seems right in the moment, you take the next step just to see where it takes you. This book helped me realize that only I could decide what was right for me – nothing else matters.

Home is Burning
Due to some weird fate of the library, this book and Still Alice arrived at the same time. It was a lot to take in all at once. I had to worry that I had Alzheimer’s and some other terrifying, terminal disease simultaneously. With that said, I wanted to laugh with this book, I wanted to understand the author and his experience, but more often than not I was frustrated with him. He paints himself (and most of his family) in a pretty terrible light. Unless you like really dark humor, I wouldn’t recommend this one.

The Four Hour Workweek
This book was the last little shove I needed to fully embrace going freelance and seeing what I can make of myself on my own. I had heard about it many times before, and I always brushed it off as some sort of unattainable, unrealistic, crazy fad diet of a lifestyle. Which isn’t totally wrong, but it leaves out all of the important nuggets (like beating your email) and the things that anyone can apply to their lives without dropping everything and living in Thailand for a year (although I think I would like the weather…). This book made such a dent that it has its own post.

All the Light We Cannot See
I got so lost in this book that I couldn’t be found even when I wasn’t reading it. There were times where the whole world fell away. Hours went by without me realizing. I couldn’t pull myself out of this book.

As a general rule I avoid historical fiction. I find them tiresome and too full of romanticized “truth” for my taste. This one made me reconsider my rule. It broke my heart and made me imagine and think about so many things I wish to never entertain. But it was powerful and upsetting in the best kind of way. Human beings do horrible things to each other, but they also reach out and put everything on the line for someone else.

Say hello to my guilty pleasure. Instagram.

I cannot get enough of it. While lately I have only been letting myself check it once a day (a post for another time), when I do check it I spend way longer than I’d like to admit.

It’s more than the pretty pictures or the random food shots. I follow people who inspire me, who show me what life is like somewhere else. From #vanlifers to professional runners, I often close out of the app feeling ready to try something new.

I follow quite a few female athletes – they are often the posts I get most excited about in my feed. While I’m still looking for more female athletes to follow on Instagram (see my original post on it here), here are some of the incredible women I have found so far.

Female Athletes to Follow on Instagram

Allyson Felix, track

A photo posted by Allyson Felix (@af85) on Feb 22, 2016 at 10:41am PST

Lakey Peterson, Surfing

A photo posted by Lakey Peterson (@lakeypeterson) on Feb 4, 2016 at 3:25pm PST

Shalane Flanagan, Marathoner

A photo posted by Shalane Flanagan (@shalaneflanagan) on Feb 15, 2016 at 5:34am PST

Torah Bright, Snowboarder 

A video posted by Torah Bright (@torahbright) on Feb 24, 2016 at 5:38pm PST

Chantae McMillan, Olympic Heptathlete

A photo posted by Chantae McMillan✨ (@chan_taemac) on Sep 24, 2015 at 2:28pm PDT

Julie Johnston, U.S. Women’s National Soccer (and I went to SCU with her)

A photo posted by Julie Johnston (@juliejohnston2) on Dec 16, 2015 at 1:02pm PST

Lizzie Armanto, Skateboarder

A photo posted by Lizzie Armanto (@lizziearmanto) on Feb 27, 2016 at 1:44pm PST

Stephanie Gilmore, Surfer 

A photo posted by Stephanie (@stephaniegilmore) on Feb 28, 2016 at 1:43pm PST

Mattie Rogers, Olympic Lifter

A photo posted by Mattie Rogers ???? (@mattiecakesssss) on Feb 27, 2016 at 2:49pm PST

Misty Copeland, Principal Dancer with American Ballet Theatre 

A photo posted by Misty Copeland (@mistyonpointe) on Mar 5, 2016 at 6:09am PST

Annie Thorisdottir, CrossFit

A photo posted by Annie Thorisdottir (@anniethorisdottir) on Feb 23, 2016 at 2:47pm PST

Who do you follow?

I have tried a lot of natural deodorants. Some with mild success, others with horrible, embarrassing failure. Only one that I never think about, never worry about.

I’m a sweaty girl. I work hard, which means my deodorant has to too. My deodorant has to hold up all day through the commute, running around at work, and a hard workout.

When I first started to switch to natural personal care products, I clung tightly to my antiperspirant. You want me to potentially have sweat marks, in high school? NO! I slowly transitioned from a traditional mass market drugstore brand to a slightly safer antiperspirant. A year or so later I started to test the waters with deodorants, and I eventually left the antiperspirant behind.

The Best Natural Deodorant

A couple years ago I started using the Crystal Body Deodorant Stick. It works so well I even used it on my feet for a year or so while I was lifeguarding and in and out of wet shoes. The craziest part? I’m still using the same stick I bought four or more years ago. I’m not even halfway through it. (To be fair, I have another full size stick in my gym bag, but with frequent use on both, I’m still way over the year lifespan the Crystal website suggests.)

How to find the best natural deodorant for you

Everyone is different. What works for one person might not work for you. It will probably take a couple tries, but there are so many different natural deodorants out there I am confident you will find the one that’s just right for you.

1. Look for a deodorant that is aluminum, paraben, talc, and “fragrance” free.

2. Check how it ranks! The Environmental Working Group’s database is incredible. They give each product a score based on its ingredients and known research about their safety. I run all of my products through their database before I purchase.

3. Test. You need a few days to test out a new product. If you are really worried about getting smelly, test it out on your run after work (just be sure to remove your previous deodorant first) or on the weekends.

4. Know what works for you. Once you try one product with tea tree oil or baking soda that doesn’t work, there’s a good chance the next one won’t work for you either. The first couple of ingredients listed are the ones in the highest concentration – if one brand doesn’t work for you, try to find something that has different ingredients. Different applications can also make all the difference. Creams don’t seem to cut it for me, but sprays and crystal sticks seem to do the trick.

5. Reapply. Get the most out of your deodorant (and cut down on the worry) by reapplying before/after a workout or any other time you sweat a bit (I tend to do a midday reapplication on hot days just in case).

Like all good addicts, I denied I had a problem for a long time. I checked my email before I got out of bed because “the light from my phone keeps me from falling back asleep.” I spent the entire work day in my personal and work email. I was constantly checking both inboxes – and getting distracted by the influx. I thought if I kept my inbox under 10 emails, then I clearly didn’t have an email addiction problem.

In March I am going to break my email addiction and be more productive and less scattered.

The Rules

I will check my email at 2-3 predetermined scheduled times throughout the day so I stop interrupting my work flow.

I will not check my email on my phone (unless I am for some reason away from my computer during one of those scheduled times and it can’t wait until I get home).

I will not check my email on weekends. Period. No email from Friday night at 6 p.m. until my first scheduled time on Monday morning.

The Desired Outcome

I am going to spend more time on the tasks that matter. I am also going to stop my habit of checking my email when I can’t do anything about any of the messages I receive. The weekend should not be spent worrying about tasks that can’t get done until Monday anyways.

My trial run this past week proved that this is going to be hard. Really hard. I’m not really breaking one habit, I’m breaking many. To make it easier, I am closing out of my inbox on my computer when I’m not supposed to be checking/responding. I also moved my email app off the main page of my phone and into a folder so I can’t click on it without thinking.

Want to join me but need a bigger push? Try this.

I can be a “control freak.” I can plan out my day in 15 minute increments. I love having a training plan that will take me 12-14 weeks into the future. I like knowing where I’m going to be tomorrow and two months from now.

The past few months have been a crash course in letting go of control.

My body runs the show right now with little input from the rest of me on the matter. I want to run and be healthy enough to hike. I have dream times I am desperate to run for. I want to get a running coach and get started today.

But my ankle has other things in mind, and right now, I’m just along for the ride.

Right now I have the incredible opportunity to pursue what calls to me. What I dream about at night. What I wake up excited to do.

Please don’t get me wrong, I am so grateful and excited for the opportunity, but I’m also reeling from the quick change. I don’t have a set routine right now. I don’t go to the same place and sit at the same desk every day for work. I don’t know what job or career will help me pounce out of bed every morning.

The choices start to be overwhelming. There are so many paths and it can be paralyzing to choose the right one.

Instead of sitting around feeling like my life is careening out of control, I’m taking it one step at a time. I’m letting go. I can’t control every little thing. I’m actively changing my life, but I’m also following the tides.

I’ve been making my own laundry soap for years. I gave up store-bought detergent before eco-friendly options were on the market to cut the chemicals and give my sensitive skin a break.

While there are more options these days, I like that I know exactly what goes into my soap and it saves me money to make my own – a lot of money when compared to scent-free, dye-free, biodegradable, harsh-chemical-free detergent.

For the past year or so I mixed up my recipe and started using castile soap bars instead of Fels-Naptha. My clothes are just as clean, and my lungs are so much happier. My laundry soap now has even fewer ingredients and no longer includes things like unsustainably harvested palm products, talc, fragrance, and red 40.

Homemade castile laundry soap ingredients

1 castile soap bar (makes about 2 cups grated soap)
1 cup washing Soda
1 cup borax

You can make as much as you would like at a time. The basic recipe is 1/2 cup each of borax and washing soda per 1 cup of slightly packed grated soap. This isn’t baking, so you don’t have to be exact.

To make the soap, grate the bar with a fine cheese grater until you are left with what looks like a pile of tempting parmesan. (Or if you are awesome like my mom, pop it in your food processor with the grater attachment and be done in a minute.) Once you are done, measure out your soap and add the appropriate amount of borax and washing soda. Mix it together and you’re good to go!

Directions

Use 1 tablespoon per load for a front-loading washer and 2-3 tbs. for top-loading. I like to use a medicine cup to quickly measure.

Since the temperature has dropped and I’m unfortunately stuck with a less efficient washer, I have been dissolving my soap in a cup of hot water before adding it to my laundry. If you wash in cold water with a large top-loader, you might want to do the same to make sure that your soap is getting mixed in well.