The past 14 months have been full of personal records and setbacks. Injuries have knocked me down more than I would like to count. I spent months not able to do the things I love to the fullest. I had to sit on the sidelines and watch as my friends, family, and coworkers chased after amazing goals.

I’m tried of watching everyone else do the things I want to be doing. I can’t change the fact that I got tendonitis almost a year ago. I can’t rewind the past 14 months and miraculously heal my ankles forever.

But I can let it all go.

I can smile when someone else does something amazing and revel in it with them. I can appreciate how much hard work it took and how amazing the accomplishment is.

It’s painful to accept that it’s not your time. It’s not my time to be running 20 miles a week or repping out double unders like nobody’s business. It’s not my time to train for a new distance or get faster than ever. It’s not my time to do a lot of things, and I need to let them all go.

My recent smack to the head has shown me just how important it is to listen to my body and take everything it gives me with gratitude. Yes, there are so many things that I want to be doing that I just can’t. But there are also so many things that I can do that I am incredibly thankful for.

Instead of thinking about the months I couldn’t run, the nagging pain in my ankles, and what often feels like a lack of progress, when I really look back on 2014, it was a damn good year.

I PRed my half marathon time… twice.

I improved my olympic lifts and hit massive weight goals.

I did things that I thought were impossible (hello bar muscle-ups).

I explored past loves.

I started a new job and made new friends.

I made big life changes and took on challenges in stride.

2014 is over. I’m letting go of the past year of hurt, of disappointment, of never being satisfied. This year I’m focusing on all of the amazing things I am going to do (and have done).

Do you ever wake up completely full, where you couldn’t possibly fit one more positive thing your life? There are some mornings where I find myself sipping tea, gazing out the window (or at the weird spot on the wall that for some reason is really attractive) thinking about all of the amazing things that are making me feel happy. fulfilled. full.

Life isn’t perfect. Of course there are things that I would change (no more headaches for a few days perhaps?), but none of those things matter in this moment. Right now, right here, I have everything I need.

I hate forced rest days. They drive me crazy. All I think about the entire time is the activity I had scheduled for the day and how great I would feel if I could just go along as planned.

But life doesn’t work that way.

Last week I got a mild concussion playing Ultimate Frisbee with my coworkers, and in the blink of an eye (or rather a painful smash of heads) I was sentenced to the couch for an unknown amount of time.

I was finally feeling like I was making progress. I was about to add in a third run into my week and my ankles were feeling pretty good. My PT was going well, and I had recovered from a PTT flair up within a few days (great news for someone who is struggling with fairly chronic tendonitis at this point). I was smashing PRs on my lifts and in general really enjoying my training.

While being forced to rest hasn’t made me the happiest of all people, it’s really the unknown that’s bothering me the most. Concussions are tricky to pin down and even harder to figure out when you are ready to come back. I was told to not exercise until the headaches are gone, and even then I can only move forward from brisk walking to something more fun if my head doesn’t protest. So far three days later and I haven’t made it past brisk walking.

My head looks fine. I feel energetic. And yet something small in my head is protesting rather loudly. For once I can’t just push through the discomfort and live my life the way I want. This time I have to actually listen. Take off the running shoes and put my feet up. I might just be here for a while.

Over the long weekend I turned off my phone and never looked back.

It wasn’t necessarily intentional. While driving down the coast I was tired of my phone constantly searching for a signal, so I turned it off. It remained off (except to very rarely check the time when I wasn’t near a clock) for the entire weekend.

I’ve known for a while I have some unhealthy habits with my phone. My alarm has barely finished making irritating noises at me in the morning when I’m already on my email. I frequently check my email one last time before bed, ensuring that I can toss and turn for awhile longer than necessary with thoughts of what I need to do the next day or what my boss meant by that last line. If I have a few extra minutes (or seconds) I’m suddenly on my phone without really thinking about it. When I get to the gym I scroll through Instagram while I foam roll.

I think my phone and I need some space.

For the next week (and hopefully longer) I have some new rules for my phone. No checking email before breakfast (ideally not before getting to work, but I always have this tiny hope that I will have an email telling me work is cancelled for the day, and I’m not ready to accept that it’s a delusion). No mindless scrolling through Instagram because I don’t want to be doing whatever I’m supposed to be doing. No more pulling out my phone the second I am left alone with time to spare.

On Monday night I turned my phone back on and proceeded to go through three days worth of my Instagram feed. We can’t win all the time. But for the most part I’ve been sticking to my rules and actually enjoying it.

This year I read an odd assortment of books. From autobiographies of people barely older than me to essays on minimalism, I expanded my typical reading list – and thoroughly enjoyed it. While I don’t believe in favorites (choosing a favorite book is an impossible task), here are 10 that stand out for me (not in any particular order).

1. Game of Thrones by George R.R. Martin: Despite their length, I devoured these books. I haven’t really read fantasy in many years, and these were a nice reminder of what I used to love in the genre. The TV show, however, I just couldn’t get in to it.
2. Everything That Remains by Joshua Fields Millburn: While I won’t be moving to a remote cabin anytime soon, I will be modeling my life after The Minimalists to some degree moving forward. Part inspiration, part personal story, these essays will open your eyes to a different way of life.
3. My Heart is an Idiot by Davy Rothbart: Judging from my list, it’s pretty clear I was on a mission to figure out how other people live their lives. Rothbart made me laugh while simultaneously feeling better about myself and jealous of what he has done with his life.
4. Tiny Beautiful Things by Cheryl Strayed: There are some books that come into your life when simply need them. I needed this book. You probably do too.
5. Marcelo in the Real World by Francisco X. Stork: Marcelo was a fantastic glimpse into a completely different perspective of the world.
6. #GIRLBOSS by Sophia Amoruso: I know, I know, everyone and their mom read it this year, but you can’t deny that it was worth our time.
7. A Long Way Down by Nick Hornby: I went on a bit of a Hornby binge this year, and this one definitely didn’t disappoint. It may have a bit of a dark beginning – the main characters meet on top of a building in London on New Year’s Eve where they are all planning to jump off – but it will make you laugh and cry.
8. The Realm of Possibility by David Levithan: This is poetry you will actually want to read. Each character tells their story in their own unique voice. My biggest disappointment was that it wasn’t longer.
9. Where’d You Go, Bernadette by Maria Semple: I know this one is so last year for a lot of people, but I got completely sucked in.
10. The Good Luck of Right Now by Matthew Quick: Everybody needs a little luck. Much like Silver Linings Playbook, Luck is a little odd, but worth a read.

To see all 41 books that I read this year, check out my GoodReads page.

It’s safe to say that 2014 didn’t go anything like I expected to. And I truly am thankful for that.

I spent three months seriously injured and another six months or so trying to hack my way through it. Tendonitis is a constant game of ‘can I, can’t I,’ and I like to think that every flare-up is just more information on what I should do differently in the future. Sometimes you just have to test your boundaries, right?

Being injured on and off for so long has been heart breaking and spirit crushing, but a lot of great things have come of it. I dug into my weaknesses, discovered what I need to change about the way I run and train, and ignited new passions. I never would have set aside so much time to explore olympic lifting or hit pie in the sky goals like a bar muscle up. I learned that even while injured my body is capable of amazing things – even if they aren’t the specific things I had imagined. On top of all of that I had two great races that I feel good about and had a blast running.

I didn’t get the 400 miles I had wanted, but I unintentionally came absurdly close. Once I got injured I stopped really paying attention to my total miles. It was too depressing to not see the numbers move at all for months at a time. I finished the year with 395.63, and I honestly don’t regret not tallying that sooner so I could squeeze in that last 4.37 miles (but if I do it today it still counts right?!?).

When I was staring down a new year at the end of last December, no part of me saw myself spending months injured or leaving the magazine industry. While I haven’t totally left (yet another thing I’m thankful for, freelancing), I work full time at a startup. My life is so different, but I know I’m where I’m supposed to be right now. I’m surrounded by amazing people who are passionate about what they do, and I’m seriously learning something new every day.

I’ve learned a lot about myself this year and challenged some of the things I used to think were inherently true, and I want to keep that going in 2015.

Instead of pledging a certain amount of miles or goal weights for my lifts (I would be lying if I didn’t have some figures in mind), I’m making this year about taking risks and following my gut. I’m going to seek out more adventures and still let myself get lost in a book for full weekends.

I’m starting 2015 with the mindset that I’m building a foundation for 2016. This is the year I slowly build my milage, attack my weaknesses, and prepare my body for whatever adventure I decided to embark on. It’s also the year I push my own boundaries outside of fitness and let myself just live.

My my library card and Kindle have been getting a lot of use lately. I’ve been reading like all of the books on Earth on going to disappear, and it’s been amazing. There is something incredibly satisfying about crawling in bed with a great book when it starts to get colder and darker outside.

Here are some of my fall favorites:

An Astronaut’s Guide to Life on Earth by Chris Hadfield

After reading Packing for Mars I’ve had a bit of an obsession with space. I started following Chris Hadfield’s Twitter when he was onboard the ISS, and his book was just as cool as seeing the Northern Lights from space. A must read for anyone who dreams about space (or has had nightmares since Gravity).

Divergent series by Veronica Roth

My best friend recommended this book to me with a warning that it would completely suck me in. It most definitely did. I rapidly devoured books one and two, but I quickly became exhausted and got a little hung up on book three. Between Hunger Games and Game of Thrones I was a little burned out on death, war, and sadness. Overall though, I’m really glad I read the entire series.

My Heart is an Idiot by Davy Rothbart

I didn’t really know what to expect when I requested this from the library, but I was pleasantly surprised. Rothbart has lived an odd, entertaining life so far, and I enjoyed the laughs.

Where’d You Go, Bernadette by Maria Semple

I’m totally late to the game on this one. I started reading it on the plane to Vancouver, and I was completely engrossed. The story is compelling and easy to read (even with small children crying on your flight). The characters are all complete messes, which makes them kind of endearing and really easy to relate to.

My coworker and I have a bet. Whoever breaks and eats Halloween candy first owes the other person coffee (we know, we know, one vice for another).

The whole thing started a few weeks ago when the candy bowl appeared in the hallway at work. Out of nowhere. Just BAM, sugar-filled temptation. We turned avoiding the bowl into a competition out of mutual understanding of how enticing the candy could be (and the desire to win. always.).

While we have joked around (someone put candy on my desk to get me to crack first), it’s been easy this year. When I’ve tried to avoid Halloween candy in the past, it’s been a constant struggle for me. This time around I don’t have any candy lurking around my house, and I know I can make it through the whole month – I did it last year. Every day I don’t eat a piece I get more power to say no and the candy seems less enticing.

I’ve spent the past two years or so consciously limiting my sugar intake. I read Year of No Sugar and watched Fed Up. I’m acutely aware of what sugar does to the body and how it messes with the brain. And most powerfully, I know how I feel after I overload on sugar.

I won’t give in this year. Not tonight. Not for the rest of 2014.

This is a candy free zone.