Coming back to running after being forced to take a long hiatus hasn’t been easy. The reality of my current fitness and what my legs/tendons can tolerate has been hard to swallow. My injury has completely changed the way I approach running right now. Before I was aiming for negative splits on every run and would race the clock no matter what distance or speed I was supposed to be aiming for.

Now I repeat “Slow it down” and “I’m okay” over and over again over my runs. I’m constantly finding myself trying to push the pace or panicking about not being 100 percent yet. While I want to fly, for now I need to remember to “slow it down” so “I’m okay” on race day.

My family and I took a long weekend in Yountville, CA to enjoy some warmer weather. We had a great time eating incredible food and lounging by the pool. The weather was fantastic. By 9 a.m. it would be nearly 70, and I truly enjoyed the days that crept into the high 90s.

While I enjoyed the entire trip, by far my favorite part was exploring the area on foot.

On Saturday morning my mom and I ran six miles around Yountville through vineyards and along near-empty country roads. It was a blast (for me anyways). I finally felt like my old self. My legs felt pretty good and I was excited to run, even if it was a little warmer than I’m used to.

It was stunning to run next to old vines and to be so in touch with a place that is so different from my daily life.

While I came back from the run quite sweaty, an iced coffee and an “ice bath” in the pool was amazing. If only every run ended so well.

Too bad later that night my tendonitis felt the need to remind me who is really the boss (news flash, it sure isn’t me). In the face of my biggest flare-up in months, I iced religiously, took anti-inflammatories, limited my walking, and wore my running shoes for better support everywhere. It was thankfully warm enough out that for once I really didn’t mind icing. It was actually kind of a nice addition to lounging by the pool.

After my flare-up I was paranoid and upset. With less than 5 weeks until SeaWheeze, I couldn’t afford a major setback. Especially not when I’m no longer seeing a physical therapist. Thankfully it only lasted a few days and I was back to “normal” (or as close as I have been in the past three months) by Wednesday.

Now that I’m finally allowed to run a little bit, I have to be even more careful to recover properly after a run. When I don’t stretch, ice, and massage my feet and ankles flair up and threaten to sideline me all over again.

I’ve been conscious to stretch as soon as I get home and roll out my calves with a 3 inch diameter PVC pipe and a lacrosse ball. When I’m done crying, I ice bath or ice with compression socks. The biggest problem is when I run before work. It’s not normal to foam roll at work like it was at my old job, so I make do with a tennis ball and my thumbs.

I’m still running in traditional running shoes and dreaming about the days that I get to finally put on my barefoot shoes again. For now I’m trying my best to keep the tendonitis at bay so I can run my summer and fall half marathons. While I’ve learned a lot and hopefully am strengthening some weakness, I am looking forward to when I no longer have to be afraid to run/hike/have fun.

Let’s do this! I can’t wait to run the Nike Women’s Half Marathon in San Francisco again this year! Before I had finished the race last year I was already talking about how I couldn’t wait to run it in 2014.

T minus 16 weeks ’till race day! Time to get healthy and speedy. I have some hills to dominate.

Everyone seems to have an opinion about what it means to be a woman (or a man), and after reading Talayna Fortunato’s blog post about dealing with comments from her ex-boyfriend about not being feminine enough, I couldn’t stop thinking about it.

Growing up I went to a school where girls had to wear skirts and you were an outcast if you liked to play sports at recess. I walked around with a nearly constant skinned knee from playing basketball or soccer on cement in a skirt. I learned not to care what other people thought of me, and if they didn’t understand why I loved sports so much, then I didn’t want to be friends with them anyways.

Years later I feel like the world has similar pressures. I’m tired of all of the magazines in the grocery store telling me I need to lose weight or dress a certain way. I don’t think I can listen to another person say that women shouldn’t lift heavy weights because they will get bulky. It kills me to hear my friends complain that their arms or legs are too muscular or to see the posts on Pinterests on how to get a “thigh gap.”

In an interview with Vogue, Annie Thorisdottir said –

She wants to inspire women, especially young girls, to focus more on what their bodies can do than on how they look. “I’m not preaching that everyone should try to become a CrossFit champion,” she says. “But I want to show them that training can give them more confidence—and that being strong is beautiful.”

It’s time we all do the same.

I can be a badass and a woman without being “butch” or “unfeminine.” I wear dresses to work and tear my hands busting out muscle-ups at the gym after. I have callouses on top of callouses. My hands aren’t soft as silk, and the bruises on my legs mark my PRs, my mistakes, and the times I kept going even after I wanted to stop. I don’t own a single pair of heals, but I have shoes for every athletic occasion. I don’t wear makeup because I don’t see the point in sweating it off every day, and my hair is almost always in a ponytail so I’m ready to go for a run or head to the gym. That doesn’t make me less of a woman.

If styling your hair or dressing a certain way makes you feel good about yourself, do it! Who cares what other people think? It’s time to be ourselves and stand up for what it really means to be a man or a woman.

Watch out world, I’m making a comeback. For the first time in three months, I was allowed to run*.

*Full disclaimer: I was allowed to run/walk .8 miles at a 50 percent effort (also known as so slow you are pretty sure you could still walk).

If all goes well, I will continue with a run/walk program for a few weeks while I very slowly build my milage.

Fingers crossed my tendons decide to finally cooperate. Only 11 weeks until my half marathon!

I think it’s fair to say that injuries bring out the best and the worst in us. For me, they bring out bitterness, jealousy, and depression, but they also reinforce my tenacity, dedication, and focus. I have my flight paid for, hotel booked, and participant shorts waiting in my dresser. I will run in August.

But for now I have Posterior Tibial Tendonitis, and it’s time I accepted that.

After not running for more than two months, I have shed enough tears for the rest of the year. Instead of feeling sorry for myself (which I have done plenty) and snapping at everyone who is just trying to help, it’s time to refocus and make my goal happen.

How I’m healing:

1. My barefoot-loving, five-finger-vibram-wearing self has accepted my new shoes (in the picture above). I will wear these for the next year while I strengthen my feet and ankles and work on my gait. If it means I can run, I will just about anything at this point. For now I’m wearing the Asics GT-2000 anytime I’m out or I’m walking around (even in the house). I just keep telling myself I don’t care what they look like (which is true until I wear them out with a skirt and people look at me oddly), as long as they are helping.

2. I added inserts. My podiatrist wanted me to get custom orthotics, but those are on the back-burner for now. Instead I have been wearing Superfeet inserts, and they seem to be helping, especially when I have to stand for extended periods of time.

3. Contrast baths. I’ve never loved cold, but increasing the circulation is a major part of healing my PTT. I alternate three minutes in hot water with epsom salts and 1 minute in ice water. The 50 degree temperature swing is miserable, but it usually feels better after.

4. Rest. No really, rest. As much as I hate it, I am staying off my feet. With two weeks until I start my new job (more on that soon), I am making it my full time job to heal my PTT. It’s just about as exciting as it sounds. I still can’t do my usual CrossFit class, and I do a lot of arms and core (all I need is a cut-off tank and a protein powder shaker and I could be a full-fledged bro). No running, no cycling outside, no spin classes, no heavy lifting, etc.

5. Modify. I can swim, but I have to only use my arms and do the saddest, slowest, gentlest flip-turns known to man. My high school swim coach would cry if he saw my new turns.

6. I finally got to go to physical therapy. It’s been making an enormous difference. I tried to doing exercises on my own for PTT, but the next day my pain would always be worse. It has been incredible to have someone walk me through exercises, give me a better understanding of what I can and can’t do, and help me increase blood flow to the area. Plus, my physical therapist’s positivity has been slowly chipping away at my debbie downer, ‘I’m never ever going to be able to run again’ attitude.

7. In an effor to loosen up my muscle fibers and break up scar tissue, I got a much needed (and painful!) deep tissue massage and body work. I wasn’t able to miraculously run the next day (I knew it was a long shot), but it definitely helped relax my lower legs.

8. Just say no to sugar and gluten. Sugar is a known inflammatory and gluten just doesn’t make me feel very well. I tend to break out fairly excessively when I am not careful and I eat too much of either. Since PTT is inflammation and small tears, I’m doing everything I can to turn my body into a healing machine.

9. I’m sleeping as much as I can to increase the amount of time my body spends repairing itself.

While the goal of starting to run again has been pushed back over and over again, I’ve set my sights on mid-June. I’m secretly hoping it will be long before then, but it’s less mentally and emotionally draining to aim for a date so far away than to push it back week after week.

Since I do not have the most patience in the world, I was really excited to know that for the SeaWheeze participants get their goodies long before packet pick-up or the end of the race. The shorts are sent in time so you can train in them. While this year’s shorts are a bit bold (and 3D) for my typical taste, I can’t wait to wear them when I finally get to train.