Losing My Mind

It’s been a month since the last time I laced up my shoes and went for a run, and I’m not handling it very well. I dream about running and wake up in the morning even more upset than when I went to sleep that I still can’t run. I get mad at other runners for “flaunting” their ability to run when I can’t. I obsess about what it will be like to run again, how will I start, how many miles will I run, will I have to run/walk intervals in the beginning?

I need to run.

When I start to obsess about something, especially running, going for a run clears my mind. I’m in the middle of a career transition as I’m calling it, and being able to run off some stress and sort out how I really feel about a potentially drastic change in my job would go a long way.

Instead I spend the time I would usually be running on exercises and stretches to help my feet/ankles heal. I’ve been using some of my new-found time to job hunt and read the Game of Thrones series.

I was finally starting to accept that for the time being, I cannot run.

But then, after months of needing them, I finally got new running shoes. Only they aren’t the sleek, minimal variety I had my eyes on. Instead they are bright stability shoes that all of the specialists I met with recommended for my tendonitis. It feels plain wrong to buy running shoes and confine them to being worn at work and driving. The good news? They have reflective marks on the toes to make sure my coworkers see me coming.

With at least two more weeks before I can FINALLY run again, I’m doing all that I can to keep myself sane. I’m channeling all of my energy that I want to put into running into all of my exercises and stretches so that when the first week of May comes I can finally get back out there.